Hi I'm max Bary and I go to Russell street school. This week I'm going to el rancho camp! Hold on a second I'm going right now! Lucky I've got all my stuff all ready and packed to go. Alright I'm on the bus… Oh! What's that smell!!! “Pardon me” said the bus driver. I think I'm gonna faint. “Wake up max wake up were here!” Oh no I need to get out of the bus the doors closing! Finally I'm out and I'm here. This place looks amazing! Owww! Why did you do that punk! “Ha loser!” Said a random guy. Go away! Now I'm alright and I'm going to my cabin. It's time to meet my roommates… So my roommates are. Juvin,Jake,Jacob,finis,mike,Tom and me (Max Bary) time to explore el rancho!... Oooooo there's horse poo everywhere! I think I'm gonna faint again. Wait… Nope false alarm. This place is so so so so stinky! I'm gonna go back to my cabin now. Oh finally I'm out of the stink! Sooner it was lunch time. We had… BAKED BEAN’S!
I hate baked beans! While having lunch I vomited and vomited and vomited. But soon it was my first activity and that was… RAFTING! I hate rafting! 1 or 2 minutes later… rafting sucked! Now on to my second activity… My second activity was mini golf boring old mini golf. I hated mini golf. Once it was done it was dinner time dinner was nachos! They were delicious. Now it's bed time goodnight everyone.
Alright it's morning. Time to get up and have a shower. Ooo! The shower stinks! And it's so rusty and old! I'm just going to have to deal with it. Alright I had a shower and now it's time for breakfast...all there was for breakfast was toast and all we could have on it was… Butter! Plane old butter! Ok so now it's my third activity and that was rifles. Rifles was SO boring! I hated it! Now it's morning tea time. We had… BAKED BEANS AGAIN! And so I kept on vomiting and vomiting and vomiting! I said to the teachers… “You know I hate baked beans!” And they said “well sorry that's all we have got at the moment” oh great. Just great. Alright my next activity was… Team initative. After that I thought it wasn't that bad oh wait… IT SUCKED! Sooner after that it was dinner. Dinner was… Baked beans again. So guess what I did during dinner. I vomited and vomited and vomited over and over again. Then it was bed time. I was so glad to be in the smelly stinky bed. NOT.
Oh god another day of disgusting yucky baked beans. Alright I had my yucky shower and now it's time for breakfast. For breakfast we had toast again. Sooner it was my first activity for the day and that was… Low ropes. That name sounds boring. Well I guess I was right it was boring!
So now it's morning tea time. And you know what I had… BAKED BEANS! Why does it always have to be BAKED BEANS!!!!! Ok I vomited again. Alright nest activity was… Horses. The horses were actually pretty fun. So now it's lunch. Lunch is BAKED BEANS again! After that it is my next activity and that is… Water slide! I love water slides! They are so cool! After the water slide I had tea and it's BAKED BEANS again! So tonight I'm planning on a escape. I want to leave this place because it's getting so annoying! Oops… I think I just screamed that out loud… go to bed! Said Troy. And so I went to bed.
Oooh good morning. “Alright time to get up for the big day!” Said Elly. Ok I'm up and I'm getting dressed and at the same time packing my bags and getting ready to go. Sooner I was all packed and ready to go. So then we had breakfast… And it was BAKED BEANS! While having breakfast I was so excited to go home! I would be so happy to see my mum and dad again! Sooner it was lunch time and we had to prepare our own lunches. Then it was our final activity’s my first one was kayaking. I loved kayaking it was so fun! But now it's my FINAL and it is… ARCHERY! I've been waiting my whole life to use a bow and arrow! After that it was time to go to livin park. When we got there we noticed that all there was there was just a swing and a small patch of grass under it. So livin park was boring! Soon I was at school again. FINALLY! (unlike ever) oh my god! There's mum and dad! I can go home!
So that trip sucked but it was worth it.
Big idea: to make a story based on the camp trip that we went on.
Feedforward/feedforward: I like your writing because it's pretty long and I like long story's. Next time make sure that it makes the reader hooked in. Azahra 😎
Evaluation: I think I did really good at my writing because I think that I am a very good writer and I am very proud of myself for finishing this.